Glasto No-Go?

Not going to Glastonbury? Well, frankly, why would you? It’s muddy and miles away and, in recent years, the BBC’s coverage of the festival has become so comprehensive that you can recreate the festival without leaving your front room.

So good is the Beeb’s reportage now that the only things between you and a real Glastonbury experience are a stinking plastic toilet and a gurning maniac in a straw boater puking on you in your sleep. And who knows, maybe you already have those things in your flat.

Below is a modified version of a press release from the BBC regarding their Glastonbury coverage, but all you basically need to know is that you just need a red button and a radio tuned permanently to BBC 6 Music, as they’re the leading radio broadcaster from this year’s event.

So, load up your living-room tent with a crate of apple-based Festival Enhancer, some wooden cutlery (for some reason, you only encounter wooden cutlery at festivals – why?) and reach for the remote. Here goes…

So, load up your living-room tent with a crate of apple-based Festival Enhancer, some wooden cutlery (for some reason, you only encounter wooden cutlery at festivals – why?) and reach for the remote. Here goes…

“TV coverage is on the red button and BBC Two, BBC Three and BBC Four. Radio coverage is on BBC Radio 1, BBC Radio 1Xtra, BBC Radio 2 and BBC Radio 4.
Headline acts will also be streamed live.”

Shame they’re U2, Beyonce and Coldplay, but then you can’t have everything.

“BBC Two also has extended highlights of each day’s events into the early hours of the morning and afternoon coverage on Saturday and Sunday.”

This is perfect just-in-from-the-pub stuff.

“To kick off proceedings, on Thursday 23 June (8.00-10.00pm) 6 Music unites with Radio 1 and Radio 2 to deliver an historic triple-cast across all three networks, for a special show called Introducing Glastonbury, broadcast live from site. In this two-hour special, Steve Lamacq, Jo Whiley and Zane Lowe will celebrate the best of BBC Introducing and preview the forthcoming diverse delights of Glastonbury 2011.”

Which sounds good. But not as good as this…

“Plus seasoned festival goers Adam and Joe offer their own unique take on the action each day (Friday–Sunday, 10.00am-1.00pm), including a special Glastonbury-themed command for Black Squadron members on site and at home.”

And finally…

“BBC Three programming is presented by Fearne Cotton and Reggie Yates, with Greg James and Gemma Cairney as roving reporters. Friday’s slot covers Mumford And Sons from The Other Stage and Saturday’s coverage includes sets from Jessie J, Tinie Tempah, Elbow and The Chemical Brothers. The Streets and Queens Of The Stone Age are showcased on Sunday.”

So there you go. You can also keep up with Glasto stuff at the BBC website www.bbc.co.uk/Glastonbury and on Twitter www.twitter.com/bbc6music.

Finally, according to a story in The Sun today, the Park stage secret headliner is very very special. VERY VERY SPECIAL.