Pete And The Pirates’ Guide To Being In A Band

Pete And The Pirates have been playing together for 10 years. We have been a band for 8 years and a professional band for 7 years. During this time we’ve learnt a few lessons and developed a few ideas of how we reckon bands should work in order to be happy. Aside from more specific, everyday advice like, “Make sure you book hotels for the right day or you’ll end up asleep in a van,” “Don’t try to fit five boys, three amps and a drum kit in a Nissan Micra,” and especially, “Never eat a curry the night before a long tour,” there’s a general set of guidelines that budding rock stars should know in order to have a long and enjoyable career in music.

1. Do Not Follow Current Trends.

If you hear a record on the radio that you like – don’t try and imitate it. That record already exists; you are not going to make it better. If you see a band that you think looks cool, don’t copy how they dress. No one will believe that you simultaneously just started to dress that way as soon as the singer of MGMT did. Johnny Rotten didn’t dress that way by copying other people, he didn’t buy jumpers from H&M and rip them and put safety pins on them, he needed the safety pins to hold them together. If you think copying a successful trend will make you popular, you are wrong. By the time you get round to hearing about the trend, and then copying it, then releasing a record sounding like it, it’ll be too late. There will be a new trend and you’ll have to start again trying to copy that new trend. Save yourself the hassle and don’t bother in the first place.

(I ripped my own jeans when I was into Nirvana and sought out the same effects pedals that Kurt Cobain used so I could try and sound like him.)

2. When You Are Starting Out Do Not Play Gigs Where You Get Paid Per Person You Bring Along.

Promoters who offer you the chance to play a gig where they will pay you per person you bring are not promoters. Do a gig in your living room and invite 5 friends and ask them for a quid each to come, cut the ‘promoter’ out. If a promoter is any good they will be able to convince people to come to their gig based on his/her love and enthusiasm for the bands booked. Also if a promoter regularly puts on good music they will gain a reputation for putting on good nights and people will then come regardless of who is playing because they trust the promoter has good taste.

(We once played a gig for 50p per person we brought along, We earned £2.50. The people we brought were two people from our record company, a friend we had asked to drive us, and a substitute drummer because ours was ill. Even then the promoter asked if we wanted the money. YES. [This should be a sub-point: Always get paid for doing gigs.])

3. You Do Not Have To Move To London (Or New York).

In London (New York) there are a thousand more bands than there are in your hometown. It will only become harder to make yourself known. If you look at a scene going on in London/New York and you think, “Hey that looks cool”, (see point 1) you will not be welcomed with opened arms because you like similar bands. Stay in your hometown, hone your craft, write great songs, play loads of gigs and if you are good people will take notice and the people in London will come to you to book you for shows or to release your record, rather than the other way round.

(We have now all moved to London)

4. Don’t Be A Dick To Other People In Your Band.

Have arguments, throw drinks at each other, maybe even punch each other in the face but, in general, you must have each others’ back. You are a team. If the lead singer starts demanding a separate dressing room to the rest of the band, you are finished.

(It is our secret dream to have 5 separate dressing rooms)

5. Dressing Up Will Not Disguise Your Lack Of Personality.

David Bowie did not dress up because he lacked personality. Brian Eno didn’t dress up in Roxy Music because of a lack of personality. Wearing Hawaiian shirts and fedoras will not make you more interesting.

(We once wore matching t-shirts with the letters PATP on to make ourselves look more interesting on stage)

6. Do Not Listen To Anybody.

When your friends come up to you after gigs and say that you were great, they have to say this. Don’t listen to them. When someone shouts out in the middle of your pretty quiet song “SHIT” don’t listen to him, he is probably the one who is “SHIT”. If your local paper writes a glowing review of you and how you reminded them of the Beach Boys crossed with the Velvet Underground with a little bit of Kraftwerk thrown in, don’t listen to them. Just keep making music you like, regardless of whether people like it or not. If it is good, people will eventually show they like it by buying your record, and coming to your gigs. Don’t let compliments make you think you’re any good, or let put downs make you think you are no good.

(Every-time I read a bad review of our band, I get really angry and annoyed)

7. Never Release Anything You Are Not Happy With At The Time/Maintain Strict Levels Of Quality Control.

As long as you are happy with everything you put your name to at the time, you will be able to stand proud. Everyone looks back at things they have done and thinks they could have been much better or different, but as long as you thought they were good at the time it’s okay. If you release something you think is not any good, then don’t think people won’t notice that it’s no good, they will see straight away that it’s no good. If you record a record and four of the five songs are really great but you know one is a dud, or has a shit chorus or bad lyrics, either change it to make it as good as the others, or fuck it off. Four great songs are better than four great songs and one stinker. The bad song will take the shine off the good ones. Like if you made an omelette with four good eggs and one bad egg, it would taste bad overall.

(We did a video once, that at the time we had an inkling it might not be right, but kept with it because it seemed too late to stop it. It wasn’t very good.)

8. Break All These Rules.

Don’t listen to us. Make up your own rules. Don’t copy people, be yourself!

Pete And The Pirates release ‘Half Moon Street’ on 29th August followed by a headline European tour.