Celebrity Din

Yes, yes, there are loads of Hollywood A, B and Z-list celebs out there pratting about with guitars during their “downtime”. Russell Crowe’s got Thirty Odd Foot Of Grunts to keep him busy, Jared Leto’s actually making a pretty good fist of it with Thirty Seconds To Mars, and most people now don’t really think of Juliette Lewis as anything other than a sub-par screecher in her Licks and that rubbish follow-up thing everyone’s forgotten about. She used to date Brad Pitt, you know. Good job they’re not together any more, “Bruliette” just makes me think of Creme Brulee and therefore hungry.

And yes, yes, YES, we know that Steven Seagal is in a blues band, that Joaquin Phoenix is now a beardy rap trainwreck of questionable intent, that emotionally bereft woodenfaced heart-throb Keanu Reeves has been in various terrible bands, and that Joe Pesci tried his hand at rapping, WE KNOW ALL THIS, OK? AND WE DON’T CARE.

We don’t care because these people are world-renown. It stinks of dull pub trivia. “Ooh, did you know Kevin Bacon was in a band called The Bacon Brothers?” No I didn’t Trev, but equally, did you know that I have already gone home and that you’re talking to yourself?

Who cares what Hollywood stars are up to?! Their little Californian enclave is a hotbed of lunacy, presided over by THE FUCKING TERMINATOR. What I want to see is normal, ginger, UK celebs, pulling sex faces over double-speed Jimi Hendrix riffs.

And, er… hey presto! It’s Bradley from EastEnders covering ‘Foxey Lady’, true to the original in absolutely no way at all! Not even the spelling! Unbelievable.

Now all I could ever want is James Buckley – aka. Jay from The Inbetweeners – playing too much guitar over a mess of sub-Oasis pub-splurge Britpap… Eh? Oh…

 
OK, kids, fingers crossed that the trick works a third time… AHEM: What’s that? Michael Buerk is in a salsa trip-hop dance troupe?

Now you’re fucking talking!