Springwatch

OK, I’ll admit it: I’m writing this blog because I feel guilty. The Neat, one of the country’s most exciting new guitar bands, are playing a show at The Wilmington Arms in North London. I should be there, really, partly because it’s my job, and partly because they’re fantastic.

Instead I am sat here on my sofa eating Spaghetti Bolognese and watching Springwatch.

So far I’ve seen Chris Packham in a terrible jumper and Simon King waving a Smooth Snake around in a field. Don’t panic, it’s not his pee-wee. It’s the least common snake indigineous to the UK, behind the Grass Snake and the Adder. And, unless their stage banter has changed dramatically since the last time I saw them, that’s a fact I wouldn’t have gleaned from watching a Fall-esque four-piece from Hull. So bravo Mr. King. Springwatch 1, The Neat 0.

It’s not just the educational value that makes Springwatch rock’n’roll, either. In fashion terms they’re out there on an insane tangent; Packham’s thick woolen roll-neck is as much at odds with clothing normality as those goths you see with spiky backpacks, three-storey platform boots and pink and green clip-on dreadlocks. They’ve never been fashionable, and they don’t care. Honestly Chris, there are Nordic sea captains who wouldn’t be seen dead in that grey monstrosity. You look like a man who’s in the final stages of turning into a knitted elephant.

Aside from his challenging knitwear, Packham is an ace when it comes to music-related word games. Take last year’s Springwatch, in which he crammed as many Smiths references as he possibly could into every episode. The relish and fervour with which he took to his task was nigh on demented, while the gattling-gun rapidity with which they were delivered was actually quite nauseating. Observe:

This year it’s The Cure he’s cramming into every crevice of airtime. If there’s one thing that goes well with Spaghetti Bolognese and an overwhelming sense of guilt, it’s an indie music quiz sub-plot. Excellent. Indie music and nature haven’t coexisted this peacefully since the last British Sea Power album.
Right now, Kate Humble is learning how to be a beekeeper. Because – and I don’t know if you knew this, The Neat - bees are currently under threat from a nasty parasite that is wiping them out. The situation is so serious that Graham Coxon wrote a song about it.

Graham Coxon – ‘Dead Bees’

Ah, and Kate’s beekeeping coach is called Calwyn Glastonbury. Like the festival. Springwatch, you rock.