The Anti-Acoustic Act

2010 has been a great year for albums – and I say that as a man currently in the embattled process of trying to sort out our albums of the year for next issue, booo democracy – but what there’s been an alarming lack of for most of the year is exciting, ball-grabbing new bands. Instead, there’s been an absolute fucking truckload of bands whose first career ambition seems to be getting on the Radio 2 playlist. Ten years on from Turin Brakes and Travis spearheading stool-rock, a genre that couldn’t be anymore evil if they named it Hucknall-rock, the success of Mumford & Sons has given way to a new wave of overly sincere, acoustic-guitar wielding boring bastards. Only this time, with added banjos. And ukeleles. And double basses. FUCK ME.

I mean, what sort of an example is that to any young impressionables who might shape future landscapes of music? “Well, yeah, me and Jasper thought we’d form a band, and I picked up my ukulele and he picked up his double bass and we started jamming and it went from there…” ROCK’N’ROLL! From now on, I’m banning acoustic-based music from The Fly’s office stereo. I’ve had enough. I want to see new bands squeezing the life out of shit guitars, played through shit amps turned up so loud they’re making your ears bleed. Stornoway, Fanfarlo, Johnny Flynn and all the other greyhound-stinkin’ folkies are dead to me. I want danger and noise; I am sick of sincerity and heartfelt vignettes.

Right now, there are hints that my wish could be granted in 2011. I got a copy of The Vaccines’ debut single last week. It is absolutely fucking thrilling. It’s a double A-side, of which the first song, ‘Wreckin’ Bar (Ra Ra Ra)’, is one minute and twenty-four seconds of rampaging Ramones-y hollers, whilst the second, ‘Blow It Up’, is the sort of cathedral-sized singalong that Noel Gallagher used to come up with in the dole queue. I haven’t seen them live yet – I will do on Thurs and can’t wait – but, just on hearing those songs, I’m more excited about The Vaccines than I have been any other new British guitar band for an age. That their frontman used to be known as Jay Jay Pistolet and indulged in the sort of folky drumhums I’m raging against above is even better – almost like The Vaccines are a middle-finger to his previous incarnation.

The Vaccines aren’t alone in planning to up the decibels in 2011, either. Sissy & The Blisters make a riotous retro racket consisting of Wurlitzer swirls, fuzzy riffs, Nick Cave vocals and wayward handclaps, Sharks make feral punk Strummer-indebted shoutalongs, The Chapman Family will follow up a clutch of irascible singles with a debut that promises to be just as angrily ace – if new single ‘All Fall’ is anything to go by – and To The Bones new EP bristles with the sort of raw, snarling intensity that’d have Stornoway reaching for the plastic sheets. Whilst not of the heavy kind, the Einstein groove of Trophy Wife’s debut single glides with the sort of brain-searing invention that marked out Foals’ early output. New bands are growing balls again. All I’m asking for is blood, guts, war-wounds, onstage riots, tinnitus-on-tap and gigs so dizzy on adrenaline that they make you feel like you’ve got battery acid for blood. That too much?