The King Of Whims

Hello, my name’s John and I’m late to the party.

So, you might have heard Radiohead have released a new album? And in keeping with their trend of changing the dynamics of the entire industry, they did so with pretty much bugger-all warning and then, seemingly just to make life difficult for me, released it a day early so I look like an idiot for not getting this blog done in time. Sure, you could blame me for that, but that would be bullying… and probably sexism too. Let’s all just blame Radiohead instead shall we? Good. Now that’s over, here is everything you need to know about ‘The King Of Limbs’. Except for what it sounds like, because you already know that by now.

Radiohead Are Business Geniuses

Radiohead must be one of the few bands in the world who could release an album without any press exposure. That is except for the huge amount of exposure they got by releasing the album without any press exposure. They’ve pretty much managed to generate as many column inches by not giving music journalists a heads-up on their release as they would have by letting us all rave on about it for months, and have also avoided the unlikely possibility that the record would have been slated. To be fair, at this point they could probably have released a recording of Phil Selway playing a cowbell with a chicken drumstick accompanied by Jonny Greenwood snoring whilst Thom Yorke read passages from Moby Dick and still got pretty solid reviews. Partly because no-one would want to be the guy who doesn’t ‘get’ the new Radiohead album, and also because they probably would have made it sound utterly compelling. The added bit of genius comes from allowing the hardcore fans to buy the hard-copy ‘newspaper album’ – which is apparently full of lots of pictures and… stuff – for lots of extra money. If this trend continues as music becomes ever more digitalised, then we may see bands in the future start to initially release their albums online, for little cost, and then if successful follow up by throwing together lots of arbitrary tit-bits in order to make extra revenue from a ‘collector’s edition’. In the years to come, don’t be surprised if you see Bieber albums complete with enlarged photocopied pages from his dream diary, or perhaps Foo Fighters records with signed affidavits from everyone in the music industry saying what a nice guy Dave Grohl is. I’m not saying this will work for every band, but Radiohead certainly seem to have got the point where they can make and break the industry rules at will.

Music Journalism May Never Be The Same

I know it’s unlikely, and by unlikely I mostly mean impossible, but what if all bands decided to release their albums to the public at the same time they release them to the press? Would music journalists become redundant or would we all be forced to write thousands of reviews of albums that we think might come out in the near future, detailing exactly what we think they might sound like? I almost can hear you scoffing as I type this. But you’ll be laughing on the other side of your face when you realise I’ve spent the entire weekend writing dozens of reviews of things I might one day hear. That’s right, cynics, I’ve got a head start:

The Smashing Pumpkins – ‘Us Again’

After replacing every founding member of the Chicago outfit, it came as no surprise this time around to learn that Billy Corgan had finally replaced himself, although quite why he chose Aled Jones to front the new-look Pumpkins is anyone’s guess. The operatic falsettos all too often struggle to merge with the heavily distorted guitars and puissant rhythms here, although, the cover of Jones’ ‘Walking In The Air’ and the band’s original take on ‘Ave Maria’ are quite something to behold.

Miley Cyrus – ‘Miley Cyrus’

After hinting at it with her previous release, ‘The Birth Of A Bad Girl’, Cyrus finally manages to make the transition from pop-starlet to goth-rocker with this, her nineteenth record. The eponymous LP manages to fully harbour the rage of Cyrus, pulling on subject matter ranging from her ‘daddy-issues’ to the experiments with drugs and alcohol she endured during the mid-noughties. Although the guttural vocals and buzz-saw guitars may be too heavy for some to swallow, there’s no doubting that this will soon become a genre classic.

Shit. That was a massive waste of time, wasn’t it?

The Internet Will Buzz Like A Motherbuzzer

The conspiracy theories have already taken a hold of the web, proving that word-of-mouth when it comes to obsessive fans is a powerful tool indeed. Is there a second part to the album? Has it already been planted on your hard drive? Does Thom Yorke come and perform it in your bedroom when you’re sleeping? Does he then watch you sleep and gently stroke your cheek as you dream, stealing your thoughts and turning them into drum loops? The answer – I dunno. Honestly no clue. Considering the amount of warning they gave us before this release they could have another album out by Wednesday. But it would be a mistake to hold your breath. It’ll make you light headed, for one. And the stuff about him stealing your thoughts is unlikely. The best person to ask, by which I mean “a person to ask”, is this fascinating man, who has a voice so soothing (dull) that I fear the following video caused a large part of my mind to enter what may be a permanent state of hibernation.

Personally, I don’t believe a word of this, mostly because he made that 2.04 second video somehow last about 40 minutes (“which is only about four minutes shorter than ‘Pablo Honey’”), which means he’s either a Warlock or a Time-Lord and therefore not to be trusted. Still, it’s fun isn’t it, looking for clues and stuff? It’s for this reason that I came up with the following conspiracy theories.

Anagrams:

By rearranging the letters of ‘The King Of Limbs’, we get an eerie insight into the minds of Oxford’s favourite exports.

‘Eight Bonk Films’
The Meaning: As with Pink Floyd’s ‘Dark Side Of The Moon’ and The Wizard Of Oz, ‘The King Of Limbs’ synchs up perfectly when watched with eight of Thom Yorke’s favourite skin-flicks.

‘Smoking Be Filth’
The Meaning: There are subliminal messages on ‘The King Of Limbs’ designed to help you give up smoking. Unless of course the words are supposed to be arranged to read ‘Be Smoking Filth’, in which case the subliminal messages are designed to make you take up smoking, in the voice of a pirate, which isn’t very helpful at all.

‘Thimble Of Kings’
The Meaning: Thom Yorke has rather regal thumbs (which he uses to stroke your cheeks as you sleep).

‘Glib Fetish Monk’
The Meaning: Errr, I don’t know. I’m bored of this game already to be honest.

Hidden Messages

Is it just me or at about 3:46 into Lotus Flower is Thom singing, “This is the first part, the second is soon to come”, really low in the mix? Seriously, listen to it. It’s fine, I’ll wait. It might be worth turning everything else off. Limit your distractions. And wear headphones. It might also help if you take the low-end out on your amp too, to make the vocals a bit clearer. Now listen. Closely. Nah, he’s not is he. My mistake.

They Once Again Made A Great Album

This one is going to be argued to the grave. Some will love it, others will ceaselessly compare it to their back-catalogue, but all said and done, as an album, it’s really very good.