Pulled Apart By Horses // First Listen

Pulled Apart By Horses
‘Pulled Apart By Horses’
(Transgressive)

Yorkshire post-hardcore foursome Pulled Apart By Horses have been smashing holes in toilet venues across the UK for what seems like forever (in reality it’s about two years), and, FINALLY, we’re ear-to-speaker with their relentless debut album. JJ Dunning previews all eleven tracks…

‘Back To The Fuck Yeah’
The first single is the first track on the album, and, immediately, the pace is faster than Usain Bolt with his latex snagged on a Saturn 5 rocket. Immediately, we feel at home in PABH’s lair. And, as the frenetic beat and hypnotically throbbing bass make way for Tom Hudson’s menacing vocals; it’s like we’re being ushered into our favourite chair by a roaring hearth, handed a cuppa and patted on the head. Unfortunately the metaphor falls down a bit here, as the plush chair is in fact made of babies’ backs and the tea is a mixture of scabs and phlegm. Anyway, there’s a bit in the middle that just goes “Yeeah! Hur! Yeeah! Hur! Yeeah! Hur!”, so that’s nice.

‘The Crapsons’
“Letch has the greatest church in the world despite what you heard” comes Tom’s war cry (probably, it’s hard to make out). Then, in the middle of it all, James Brown’s guitar lurches from offbeat squeaks to shooting off proper live rounds of molten metal, whilst Lee Vincent’s drums rattle like they’re being thrown down a lift shaft one by one.

‘High Five, Swan Dive, Nose Dive’
This old thing? ‘HFSDND’ is revived for the full album and it actually sounds even more uncontrollable than previous versions did. The throaty, too-dumb-to-tie-its-own-shoes mantra of “I’ll make you dance with my balls on fire” is still punk-ass funny. Whilst it descends into a desperate clawing at notes, and finally an explosion of riffage that’s throwing so much smoke and grit out of my speakers at this moment that I think all aeroplanes will be grounded. FOREVER. Actually I’m not sure we’ll ever see the sun again at this rate. Better skip it…

‘Yeah Buddy’
This adds a vaguely poppier hue to the album’s… er… palate? Sort of like Dananananaykroyd’s ‘Pink Sabbath’ being done by Muse. Which reminds me, I fucking hate Muse; so ignore what I just said. “Yeah buddy, thank God for pure natural strength!” howls somebody. Then, the final portion descends into some pure double-paced riffola.

‘I Punched A Lion In The Throat’
Remember that rubbish chair metaphor from earlier? Well this is about as relaxing as being shut in a cupboard with a hungry bear.

‘I’ve Got Guestlist To Rory O’Hara’s Suicide’
“Enjoy your fucking misery” counsels Tom, amidst a cocktail of head-spinning guitars and rapid-fire drum clattering. Presumably this is about Rory O’Hara, bassist with fellow Leeds band Grammatics, although quite what the line “because you’re dead/don’t pay tax” has got to do with it, we’re unsure.

‘Get Off My Ghost Train’
Some aggressive, intricate guitarwork here; something that’s always – understandably – overlooked amidst the ceiling-smashing, limb-snapping, goat-sacrificing chaos of their live shows. The riffs are absolutely massive, like Josh Homme trying to melt his way through a door using nothing but guitar noise.

‘Meat Balloon’
At last, some respite. This plush piano-led ballad lilts and flows with swathes of strings and the added gospel refrain of “Not really you massive morons, it’s another unstoppable, six-thousand-mile-an-hour teeth-rattling riff-frenzy that breaks down in the final third for some crotch-gyratingly horny dirt-rock. As if they’d use strings.” is LITERALLY brilliant.

‘Moonlit Talons’
Another where the breakdown is face-smashingly and unyieldingly emotionless; almost robotic. The start is punk as fuck, with what sounds like “everybody says I’m gonna break your legs”, and some high-octave, high-octane harmonising, before it all nearly grinds to a complete halt. Then, through the stuttering tumult of treacle-legged bass’n’drums’n’feedback staggers some serious Jimmy Chamberlin-esque drumming and a fists-in-the-air display of skin searing axemanship. NOISY.

‘The Lighthouse’
The shortest track on the record at just over two minutes, ‘The Lighthouse’ incorporates a howl of “METAL! METAL!” and an ever-ascending guitar solo that leads to the front door of Satan, rings the bell, then runs away.

‘Den Horn’
A true monster to end on. Lolls like Kyuss in a high wind, pitches and yaws like QOTSA on the poop deck of the Titanic. Ends with producer James Kenosha explaining to guitarist James Brown what the phrase “Take it from the top” means. Either he’s never heard of this phrase, or he is winding his producer up.