The Cumshots

The Crobar,

London

13/05/09

 

Max Cargo lumbers around like a Frankenstein’s Monster that somehow miraculously has complete body coordination and signs of brain activity between the songs. He has some interesting microphone techniques like holding the microphone to his throat while screaming his head off and also more or less swallows it on several occasions. Also he climbs a lot and looks kinda threatening, on the verge of spontaneously combusting at times.

 

Three songs or so into the set he promises to marry any man, woman or beast in the bar who takes his ring that he has placed on top of his member that he has somehow made into a folded bulge protruding from his trousers. This was only to be expected taking their reputation for various body related incidents on stage. The Cumshots don’t manage to spellbind everybody present for the whole time and not all the songs they play are equally strong. The vocals are heavily distorted and hearing them is more or less impossible amid all the guitars and drums. But with song titles such as ‘Bitter Erection’, ‘Punch Drunk On Death’, ‘Pouring Salt On A Slug’ and ‘Vomitory’ one gets the gist of it. Their best songs are probably the pretty catchy ‘Praying For Cancer’ and ‘I Drink Alone’ where they go some quite tuneful choruses amidst all the Ragnarock.

 

One high point is when the bass player sits on Max Cargo’s shoulders which should be about 1.8 meters above ground level and they fall backwards and he ends up writhing in pain lying on the floor still playing… after lying on the floor playing for a bit he gets up and continues head banging and completely rocking it. Respect!

 

For those who like to rock there is more to cum from these slobbering man beasts. Their recipe of bitterness and humour whose overlapping is at times confusing and murky mixed in with some Slayer eggs, some powdered Queens Of The Stone Age nuts, sprinkled with some punk flour and some deciliters of sweat and topped up with hard rock.

 

Gunnar Steinnes