Mmmmmmm MySpace Music

Apr 22 2008 2:50 pm, Harriet Gibbybonne

Right, so after a nice bowl of lentil soup, plums x 2 and a Santogold chocolate, I log on to my MySpace. After sifting through the various viruses and chuckling at the many explicit bulletin titles such as “Big B1ow J0b tit” and “chyna cliit” and deliberating the literal meanings of the phrases (a large bosom that can fellate peni? Porcelain female genatalia – ouch!), I decide to click on my Friend Requests to see what music will enlighten me today. A man named C. R. I. $. I. $. is the first to hit my eye-zone layer. First of all he sends me one of those messages with his add saying “Can I be your friend? I know it sounds silly but... how else is it done? Lol Love, C. R. I. $. I. $.” So, I feel sort of like special, but I’ve already deducted one point for his abbreviation. Did you really laugh-out-loud C. R. I. $. I. $ - DID YOU? And if you did what’s so funny about being my friend?

I feel a little ignorant writing this because C.R.I.$.I.$. is a direct descendant of the Great Chief Mwata Kazembe of the Zambian Lunda People and has been making raps since he was 10 (Mexican 3 Bean Raps) and he is the coordinator of the Hip-Hop Connection Fan Club in Zambia as a spokesperson for issues affecting the African youth and he might be quite good or whatever and I don’t know a hell of a lot about South African hip-hop. But I don’t think he’s good.

In my defence, when I was a student I spent a fair deal of time watching Channel U (not for the XXX U soft porn past 10 o’ clock – for the music) and I saw that apart from the US, the rest of the world don’t have a huge identity when it comes to commercial hip hop. Well, maybe France and Berlin, but anyway, the fact is that C.R.I.$.I.$. is ripping off every LL Cool J, Notorious BIG, Snoop styled success from the US. He doesn’t re-jig my hip-hop mind-frame at all. With lyrics like “I was born in the same year that Elvis died/he made space for the C.R.I.$.I.$.  to exist no lie”, you start to think maybe he is living in his own world where he is the successor of Elvis, and perhaps even that Elvis deliberately killed himself in order for C.R.I.$.I.$. to exist.

Music aside, the thing I like most about his page is the faux newspaper front cover with the headline reading “C.R.I.$.I.$. Heading For Number One With Debut Single” and, spelling mistake and all, “C.R.I.$.I.$. has suddenly become the most requuested hip-hop artist on radio”. I also like his time-line of musical growth, climaxing with “Signed with Sony Music South Africa headed by Jay Savage - nothing materialised from that”.

Ohhh no, now Garry Guilt has arrived in my head. I feel really bad for not being nice about C.R.I.$.I.$.’ music now. I’m sorry if you, or any of your fans read this C.R.I.$.I.$. (I imagine you might Google your name from time to time), you seem really nice but break that mould and try something new please. Fuck off Garry!

Image By Niall Ploperty

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