To Zuton Or Not To Zuton

May 06 2008 11:41 am, Niall Doherty

 

Got The Zutons’ new record on the stereo at the moment. I’ve always had a problem with The Zutons, a problem that switches dilemma every now and then. Sometimes, see, I think they’re total guff. But then they do something good and I’m questioning myself: Do I like them? Why do I like them? Oh GOD WHY ME?!

 

 

But then they do something that makes me realise that I was right all along and The Zutons really do suck. These are the thoughts going through my head as their new record, ‘You Can Do Anything’, which should probably be titled ‘You Can Do Anything (And Hope Mark Ronson Covers It And Makes You Loads Of Money)’, blares out of the speakers. It’s a turgid, MOR affair and if their last record suggested that their main objective was to get on Terry Wogan’s Radio 2 playlist, then the new stuff might as well follow him all the way to Eurovision – it’s that cack.

 

So: After hearing their debut single ‘Creepin’ an’ a’ Crawlin’’ and dismissing them as Coral-lite bandwagon-jumpers

THEN

Hearing ‘Pressure Point’ and thinking maybe they’ve got one good song

THEN

Hearing ‘You Will You Won’t’ and thinking FUCK! THIS IS AMAZING!

THEN

Seeing their psychedelic-prog out bounce round Earls Court when they supported Muse

THEN

Hearing ‘Valerie’ and thinking it was crap

THEN

Hearing Mark Ronson’s version of ‘Valerie’ and thinking he’s made a crap song crapper

THEN

Hearing the new album, I have decided:

 

The Zutons are crap.

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